is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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