i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
