fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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