I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
