it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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