Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
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her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
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Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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