I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
it's great music for shaving your balls
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
