Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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