the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
