Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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