Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just had sex bonerless
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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