i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I enjoy the company of your penis
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