My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
