If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
