And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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