i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
