If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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