i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
