how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
