why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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