hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
