I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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