btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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