Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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