her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
