it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
