I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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