Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You need a sexual gate keeper
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
