So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
