Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I intend to get homeless drunk
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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