Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
