My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
