Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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