He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
