New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
