I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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