Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
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SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
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It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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