um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
