Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
