I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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