only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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