Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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