if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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