True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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