my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
