I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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