just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
