are you still at the devil's house?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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