i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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