It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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