So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
