My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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