There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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