i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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