Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
