Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS