batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
