Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.

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(814): I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party. http://tfl.nu/nrd6

Replies (16) Good night (3098) Bad night (557)
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(619): View more from California

If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.

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(619): If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library. http://tfl.nu/gs64

Replies (59) Good night (1014) Bad night (3724)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?

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(215): I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months? http://tfl.nu/2j7i

Replies (7) Good night (653) Bad night (3895)
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(847): View more from Illinois

There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.

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(847): There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car. http://tfl.nu/95qt

Replies (40) Good night (1282) Bad night (8301)
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(208): View more from Idaho

The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.

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(208): The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State. http://tfl.nu/x5jw

Replies (20) Good night (1236) Bad night (4121)
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(515): View more from Iowa

I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...

(316): View more from Kansas

Just the budget?

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(515): I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget... (316): Just the budget? http://tfl.nu/v45e

Replies (4) Good night (4489) Bad night (992)
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(616): View more from Michigan

So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.

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(616): So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together. http://tfl.nu/gv0c

Replies (7) Good night (6521) Bad night (1646)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.

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(603): i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't. http://tfl.nu/rtpf

Replies (12) Good night (7588) Bad night (992)
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(720): View more from Colorado

I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match

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(720): I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match http://tfl.nu/pm5g

Replies (11) Good night (4327) Bad night (1421)
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(515): View more from Iowa

trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.

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(515): trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point. http://tfl.nu/fff7

Replies (19) Good night (2487) Bad night (1052)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?

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(+44): Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night? http://tfl.nu/4ztl

Replies (10) Good night (3408) Bad night (919)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK

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(412): THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK http://tfl.nu/h557

Replies (7) Good night (2104) Bad night (656)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.

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(832): I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship. http://tfl.nu/02yh

Replies (3) Good night (1378) Bad night (510)
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(619): View more from California

But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.

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(619): But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection. http://tfl.nu/g9u5

Replies (18) Good night (743) Bad night (956)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.

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(484): wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that. http://tfl.nu/dlkz

Replies (1) Good night (510) Bad night (380)

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