I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint