Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
