He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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