there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
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