guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.