So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?