But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
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Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
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My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.