You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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