Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
