Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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