I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
