Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
kristin has been a bad kristin
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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