I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
