im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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